Hymns to Evolution

Pastor Paul links to Al Mohler's discussion on the failure of evolutionary psychology to explain music. Dr. Mohler remarks that it is "[n]o wonder there are no great evolutionary hymns."

Now, I'm not here to defend atheistic evolution, but I was tickled by the thought of a hymn for evolutionists. So here are my humble (very! humble) attempts.

First, I was going to use some grand old hymns as models. But I couldn't bring myself to damage such great hymns. (Even though some would have been excellent material. Think of "Foam of our fathers, living foam.")

So, I decided to inflict my sartirlyrical powers on some old standbys, instead.

Goo in a Bottle
To the tune of "Time in a Bottle".

If I could store goo in a bottle,
you know, that wouldn't be bad,
for first bit of goo, I would store, would be
great great great great,
great great great great
grand dad.

Mercifully short. The next one isn't.

Evolutionists' Island
To the tune of "Gilligan's Island." (For our younger readers, who don't know what I'm talking about, you can hear the original here.)

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of a quirky fate,
that started in a pool of goo,
that became me and you ... that became me and you.

The weather started getting rough,
volcanoes by the score,
some chemicals, a meteor or two
amino acids began to form ... they just began to form...

And then by many fits and starts,
the mighty dinosaurs,
appeared and roamed the earth and then..
... umm, well, then they were no more ... (another meteor).

Quickly we mammals then appeared,
as whiskered, little mice
we grew to become you and me
(how's that for artifice?) ... this theory is so nice ...

And now we're here
and now we know just how we came about
Thanks, Chuck Darwin, Stephen Jay Gould, the Leakey man (and his wife), Stephen Hawking, and the rest,
we're adrift on evolutionists' isle!